Newspapers have changed so much.  You don't see near the number of classified ads you used to.  People have gone to internet sites and social media to do what they used to do with little ads at the back of the paper.  

                    It was the classified section.   It’s where you could find a house, a job, and a car.  It’s what you turned to when your dog ran away, or when someone else’s showed up in your back yard.  It was a clearing house for missing persons and lost purses.  It was the great ebb and flow of life in very small print:  birth, bankruptcy, marriage, divorce, and death.

            “Classifieds” were cryptic, compact little billboards to the world.  There was an art to their construction.  When they were worded correctly, their messages beamed clearly.  When the syntax was wrong, however, the meaning was muddled.  The results could sometimes be amusing.  Check out these examples from real newspapers of years ago.

Dog for sale:  Eats anything, and is fond of children.

Wanted:  Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

For rent:  6-room hated apartment.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.

For sale:  An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory.  Must be willing to travel.

3-year old teacher wanted for pre-school.  Experience preferred.

Illiterate?  Write today for help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off head illusion.  Blue Cross and salary.

Used cars:  Why go elsewhere and get cheated?  Come here first.

Christmas tag sale:  Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Dinner special:  Turkey, $2.25, Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.

For sale:  8 puppies from a German Sheperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Vacation special:  Have your home exterminated.

Stock up and save:  Limit: one.

2 Female Boston Terrier pups, 7 weeks old, perfect markings.  555-1234.  Less mess

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Semi-annual After-Christmas Sale

And now, the Superstore – Unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, and unrivaled in inconvenience.

Auto repair service:  Free pick up and delivery.  Try us once, and you’ll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced mom will care for your child.  Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Wanted:  Hair cutter.  Excellent growth potential.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

Four-poster bed.  101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.  Swim in the lovely pool

while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts:  Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Man, honest.  Will take anything.

Classic Classified Ads Add Laughs